Wednesday, July 21, 2004

 
4th February 2004
Picture of the Day!

Never leave your vehicle unattended in Dagenham.


3rd February 2004
Old Wives' Tale of the Day!
Touching a corpse's hand cures a sore throat. No, I think you're more likely to catch something that way.


2nd February 2004
Criminal Record of the Day!
Leroy Linen, a scrap-metal dealer from the Bronx, was banned from driving 633 times between 1990 and 1994.


1st February 2004
Politician Joke of the Day!
Q: How do you save a drowning politician?
A: Take your foot off his head.


31st January 2004
Quote of the Day!
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
     - Mark Twain


30th January 2004
Joke of the Day!
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully "loaded."

The third man said "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so incredibly well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."

The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."


29th January 2004
Fact of the Day!
There are 318,979,564,000 possible ways of playing just the first four moves on each side in a game of chess. I hope they worked that out on a computer, rather than sitting some poor nerd down to figure it out.


28th January 2004
Word of the Day!
Congree - to all agree. How cute!


27th January 2004
Statistic of the Day!
People who have never married are 7.5 times more likely to be hospitalized in a psychiatric facility than those who married.


26th January 2004
World Record of the Day!
The longest Chinese Whisper in the world was whispered by 614 people in Las Vegas this month. It was started by the comedian Mac King, saying, "Mac King is a comedy magic genius", but by the time it got back to him, "Macaroni cantaloupe knows the future."


25th January 2004
Site of the Day!
Could it be? Real free stuff for students? There are probably catches but hell! It's free!


24th January 2004
Find of the Day!
Today, I rediscovered my faith in music thanks to a few loud and heavy bands.


23rd January 2004
Song of the Day!
If you don't listen to it properly the first time, you just won't get it. The common room weren't so impressed by this one, but I laughed. Go here to download and listen.


22nd January 2004
Joke of the Day!
A rich, lonley widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad which read...

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE, WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1.  WON'T BEAT ME UP
2.  WON'T RUN AWAY
3.  HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail.  None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again.  She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat.  Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."

The old woman asked "What make you think your so great in bed?"

To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


21st January 2004
Scientific Advancement of the Day!
Engineers in Wisconsin are working on lasers to cut cheese with. Similar to those used for eye surgery, it blasts the cheese molecules apart rather than heating and melting them.

20th January 2004
Line of the Day!
I love animals, they taste really great.


19th January 2004
Picture of the Day!
If Liverpool ruled the world... 


18th January 2004
Lawyer Joke of the Day!
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.


17th January 2004
Thing to Do Today!
Watch QVC and find inner peace.


16th January 2004
Word of the Day!
Eleutherian - freedom-giving. Not the coalition forces, then?


15th January 2004
Site of the Day!
Virtual Pooh Sticks. Nuff said.


14th January 2004
Short Joke of the Day!
Q: What do Kodak and a condom have in common?
A: They both capture the moment.


13th January 2004
Film Quote of the Day!
We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we are aware of.
     - Agent K from Men In Black


12th January 2004
Statistic of the Day!
The people killed most often during bank robberies are the robbers.


11th January 2004
Song of the Day!
Belch by Fußgängerzone kept the common room enraptured for 7 minutes straight!
This is what dance music should be about!


10th January 2004
Story of the Day!
Patrice Moore was trapped for two days under a pile of books and magazines in his New York apartment. The heap prevented rescuers getting in, and he was eventually saved when the landlord took the door off the hinges.


9th January 2004
Play God Day!


8th January 2004
National Joy Germ Day!


7th January 2004
Interesting Burial of the Day!
In 1973, Swedish confectionery salesman Roland Ohisson was buried in a coffin made entirely of chocolate.


6th January 2004
Line of the Day!
Don't steal! The government hates competition.


5th January 2004
Joke of the Day!
The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class, "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go."

She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said, "Mary had a little pig - An ornery little runt. He stuck his nose in Mary's Clothes - And smelled her little . . ." He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, "Do you want poetry or prose?"

"Prose." the teacher said weakly.

So Johnny said, " . . . Asshole."


4th January 2004
Site of the Day!
I may have linked to this one before, but never mind. Lightworks is a very cool online gallery, check it out.


3rd January 2004
Ucky Word of the Day!
Forswott - covered with sweat. Nasty.


2nd January 2004
Picture of the Day!



1st January 2004
Mishap of the Day!
While waving to the crowd after finishing fourth in the 500cc US Motor Cycle Championship in 1989, Kevin Magee fell off his bike and broke his leg.


31st December 2003
Rubbishness of the Night!
I have 'flu, and just saw the new year in asleep in bed.


30th December 2003
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day!


29th December 2003
Legality of the Day!
Buggery is not actually illegal in Sweden, accounting for an awful lot of vetinary care in the country.


28th December 2003
Scary Stuff of the Day!
Clark Gable is listed on his birth certificate as a girl.


27th December 2003
Sale of the Day!
The town of Tortilla Flats, Arizona, has been put on eBay with an asking price of $5.5million.


26th December 2003
Thief of the Day!
A guy in Exeter was sent to prison the other week for stealing a kitchen. He nicked it, piece by piece, while the owners were away, reinstalling it in his own home.


25th December 2003
Quote for the Day!
It came without ribbons, it came without tags,It came without packages, boxes, or bags. Christmas can't be bought from a store... Maybe Christmas means a little bit more.
 - Dr. Seuss. How poetry should be.


24th December 2003
Song of the Day!
Who would have thought it? A political song in the country style. System of a
Down should take notes!


23rd December 2003
Wallpaper of the Day!
Yellow wallpaper, dyed with Scheele's Green pigment, successfully killed Napoleon. When the wallpaper got damp it released arsenic gas, slowly poisoning him to death.


22nd December 2003
Ridiculous Lawsuit of the Day!
Kellogg sued a local golf course, Toucan Golf, Inc., because the name and picture of an actual toucan on its logo was too similar to the company's imaginary Froot Loops bird Toucan Sam.  The U.S. Federal Courts informed the corporation that real toucans existed first and golf courses have little to do with selling children's cereal.


21st December 2003
Blonde Joke of the Day!
A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief. She puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend yells "Honey, don't do it."

She replies, "Shut up, you're next."


posted by Suz 6:09 PM